King, Queen, and the Gate

The King, Queen, and the Gate is a two man skit. It revolves around two actors who, due to unfortunate circumstances, have to perform a five-man show alone. The actors preform the play, switching between each character. They do the play multiple times, each time faster than the previous, until it dissolves into a mess.

Note: Only two characters interact at a time. The knight will talk to the guard. When the guard turns around to talk to the King, the knight drops his props, runs around the guard, and acts as the King.

Knight: Knock knock knock!

Guard: What do you want?

Knight: I've come to marry the Princess. I've traveled over high mountains and low valleys and seen things that go bump in the night.

Guard: I'll have to ask the King. (to King) Sir, there is a knight who wants to marry the Princess.

King: I'll have to ask the Queen. (to Queen) Honey?

Queen: Yes?

King: There is a knight at the gate that would like to marry our daughter.

Queen: Hold on, let me ask her. (to Queen) Sweetie?

Princess: Yes?

Queen: There is a knight that would like to marry you waiting out front.

Princess: No!

Queen: (to King) No!

King: (to Guard) No!

Guard: (to Knight) No!

''The knight then stabs the guard to death and talks to the king. The same thing happens from before with one less character. Then the king tells the knight no, who stabs him to death, and so on, until only he and the princess remain. At this point, any number of things can happen, including, but not limited to, that he kills the princess and then himself, he kills the princess only, he looks forward to see her beautiful face and sees it's ugly and kills himself, and she says yes and he kills her by mistake. (Usually the most dramatic ending is saved for the last act.)''

Variations
A series of variations and add-ins exist for this skit.

Without the Gate
Guard: (to king) Sir, a Knight awaits without.

King: Without what?

Guard: Without the gate.

King: Well then, give him the gate.

(The guard returns to the Knight and gives him the gate.)

Knight: What is this?

Guard: It's the gate.

Knight: I don't want the gate.

Guard: Well then, what do you want?

Knight: I want to marry the Princess.

Etc.